A Rush of Blood to the Head

It looks like my block has been removed.

I have been trying to write a significant post for weeks now and nothing has come. I have at least 4 drafts from failed attempts, but for some reason I could never finish. I even began a blog about how I couldn't write, but I couldn't finish it...fail.

Turns out the right amount of hurt can kind of cause words to flow from you. Perhaps that's why there are so many songs about pain. I suppose love is the other emotion that causes a similar reaction. Pain, love and hate. Passion.

So much has happened this month. To be completely honest, I'm kind of shocked that my heart hasn't just exploded, or that my eyes are still in place. So, so much.

My month started with my mom telling me that she had lost her job at the church. Apparently there were some budget cuts and her job was merged with another position...therefore, Mom's job no longer exists...which is kind of the legal way to fire someone on disability. When I originally heard this, I was so unbelievably angry and hurt. Now, I understand and I am not angry, so I pray you will not be either. If you want to hear more specifics, please ask and I will be happy to fill you in. My mom was stronger than I have ever seen her in this instance. She was shattered and heart-broken at being fired for the first time ever, but she has nothing but forgiveness and love for those involved. She also told me something I will never, ever forget. She told me, "Erin, I do not believe that God would bring me through all of this just to drop me. He has a plan..."
So that was hard, but I know she's right.

Then school started and sadly, that's one of the best things that has happened. I really love my classes and professors this semester! I'm quite excited. I'm taking Psychology, Sociology, Ephesians and State & Local Government.

Next, I found out this past Saturday that as of January 20, 2011, my dad (Steve) has 60 days to find a different job at Dell or he will be laid off. Yeah...both of my parents in about 2 weeks. It almost feels like a joke that won't reveal its punchline, or a nightmare I can't wake up from.

I called my dad in Kentucky and told him if he told me in the next week or two that he had lost his job, too, I was going to harm him, haha.

Slightly random:  A few things about me: 1. I get attached to people quickly 2. I trust everyone unless I have been given a reason not to 3. I'm pretty intuitive 4. I over-think pretty much everything. 5. I hate losing friends

So I'm losing sleep and keep forgetting to eat and generally just not taking very good care of myself. I also live in a pretty steady headache. That's always fun.

I seriously don't understand. I was really hoping 2011 would be my Spring.
I'm stuck in this Winter and I really want out. Lord, please bring me out.
I just keep repeating Jenny & Tyler's song, "Carry Me"
I don't think I've ever meant it more.