See, the medicine I'm on isn't one you can get addicted to (so says doctors/the internet) but your body gets used to it...so when you don't take it, it starts to make you spiral downward. Well, I've been falling. I had 4 main reasons for wanting off it...
1. during the summer it's extremely hard to take it on a regular basis because I don't wake up at the same time like when I went to school every day...so it just became hard to remember
2. my mom hates it. I personally think she hates the image more, but hey, what can you do. Apparently she doesn't want a daughter that's messed up like me. So she finally got to me...and I tried.
3. This is a medicine that is very harmful if you are pregnant. If I ever want to have kids I'll need to get myself off eventually, so I guess I just wanted to now? My thought: if it can do that when you're on it, what happens if there's some left by that time? idk. as I write it now it just sounds silly.
4. the only thing I want to depend on is God...but maybe having the medicine there to help isn't such a bad thing...
Anyway, looking back at the past few weeks, I've been A LOT more moody, my body is doing this whole feeling like I'm physically going to explode thing and I've been getting really dizzy lately. I'm getting concerned...
I think as of tomorrow I'm going to start taking it again. My doctor is not going to be so happy with me when I let her know I didn't take it for a little less than 2 weeks...meh. AND a lot of the side effects *some I've posted on before* just suck...I either need to get off of it or switch, but I'll see what my doctor has to say first
please pray for me and my health. sigh
Hey Erin,
ReplyDeleteAs someone who has been on medicine for my own head issues for quite a while, I just wanted you to know that I struggled with a lot of the same things (and still do) that you talked about in this post. One thing I had to come to a peace about is the whole, wanting to depend on God fully and trying to reconcile that with what I was taking. I wrestled with it, but then I thought, maybe the medicine is actually God's way of helping me. Not taking it would be like refraining from taking Advil when I have a headache because "God should be enough" or not putting on a seatbelt because I think God will protect me if I get in a head on collision. Mental issues still have a bit of a stigma attached to them (though it's way better than it used to be), but it isn't anything to be ashamed about. People are complicated. For me personally, there are things I can work on - the way I cope with things, not setting myself up for failure, making smart decisions. These are things I am constantly working on, through practice, prayer, and going to see my therapist. It's my responsibility, and I have to lean on Jesus and depend on God to help me. But part of my issues is purely physical. It happens in my brain, and it's just a matter of a couple bad genes that were passed to me before I knew anything about depression or anxiety disorders. These things can be helped by medicine. So I take it? Could God heal me completely? Of course he could. Will he? Probably not. It isn't because I don't have enough faith, though (I NEVER have enough faith). I know Jesus has redeemed me and made me one of his own, and I don't need to practice faith-healing to know that.
I know we hardly know each other, but I figured hearing from someone else who has some idea of what you're going through couldn't hurt. It helped me, at least.
Thanks for sharing your feelings. God bless.
thank you so much, andrew :)
ReplyDeleteyes. this helped A LOT.
it's always comforting to know there's someone else that is going through/has been through the same things.
yeah, the genes got me as well.
thanks a lot for the comment :)
greatly appreciated
p.s. check the last paragraph or so of the next post "I can see clearly now."
ReplyDeleteit was from yesterday :)