somnolence

So I decided today that I'm going to ask my doctor to either take me off my medication all together, or to switch my medicine again. Right now I'm on Paxil, but I don't think I like what it does to me. It has helped with what it is supposed to, but the side effects are killing me. The only one that I'm really aware of is Somnolence. The others aren't too bad. Somnolence is basically the opposite of insomnia, but somehow that is also a side effect that I experience as well. It's like when I'm not one extreme, I'm the other. Somnolence means that you're constantly sleepy. For example: yesterday I went to bed around 3:30am and woke up around 11:30 that day. I then stayed up until about 3:30pm and woke up around 9:30pm. Then I stayed up until about 2:30am and woke up this morning at 11:30. I would have slept even longer had my sister not called. I'm ALWAYS exhausted. The worst part: I can't wake up. EVER. I don't hear alarms anymore, I don't hear my cell phone anymore, I barely hear my dad knocking on my door. I can't do this during college. I mean, I've always been a bit of a heavy sleeper, but never like this before. I've always been able to wake up eventually, but now I hear nothing. Also, I have these weird, EXTREMELY vivid dreams that confuse me while I'm sleeping. My mom thinks my medicine is causing these as well. In these dreams, they're so real that I don't realize I'm still asleep. Most of the time I can remember thinking I was awake while sleeping. When I do wake up, I'm usually extremely confused. I have needed my medicine, and it has helped me a lot, but I'm not sure it's something I want to rely on my entire life. Also, if I ever want a family (meaning babies) I'm going to need to get myself off of it anyway. Why not make it now? I think with God on my side I can surely do it! I'll just have to pray for peace and clarity. I also know getting away from my home will help with this. It's so stressful around here. I'm sure things will be better when I can do (basically) as I please...and not get yelled at for doing so ;)

Whew. Next item I need to get off my chest:
I wrote a letter to DBU (and by letter, I mean email) explaining how my parents don't actually know if they can afford to send me to DBU. Surprisingly, I'm not worried about it. I KNOW in my heart that is where God wants me, and I know He will get me there! I just wanted the school to know that though on paper my family does make a good deal of money, both of my parents were also unemployed for about a year and a half right after they got married. They had just bought a new house, they were paying for my sister's college, they were paying for plane tickets or my brother and I to come out here, and we just so happened to buy the most chaotic and poorly built house EVER! The people that lived here before us had NO CLUE what they were doing...So all these things brought us into a world of debt. We're still trying to pull ourselves from that hole. It's difficult, but God has certainly blessed us. So, though we technically earn quite a bit around here, we still survive from paycheck to paycheck with little to spare. We've got TONS of debt to crawl through...but God is faithful. So I wrote to DBU explaining that situation, and how FAFSA doesn't consider debt. Maybe something will work out! Sigh.


So if you could, pray for me (and my family) as I try to clear my body of medication, and as we continue to wait and pray that we will be blessed with enough money for college. I have faith.


Thanks!
Love you all :)